The most important part of child training is a proper balance of love and discipline. We discipline because we love. All parents make mistakes in this important area. Have you ever found yourself disciplining your child because you are embarrassed and not because it is really what the child needs? Perhaps you have never properly trained the child in this area and now he is embarrassing you in front of your peers. Your reputation among your friends is at stake. You could either pretend that your child should already know better, and therefore is deserving of punishment, or you could be honest and admit that you have failed to teach your child in this area. If you correctly choose the latter, go home and begin to train immediately, for the child’s sake.
We discipline only for rebellion–never for ignorance. We do not discipline for a lack of coordination. We discipline for rebellion because the Bible equates rebellion with the sin of witchcraft. Rebellion may be loud or quiet. It may be obvious to all or rather obscure.
Obedience is the first thing to teach a child. It may save his life. Obedience is immediate. If your child delays obedience he has disobeyed. Please balance this. To discipline without getting all of the facts is foolish. If you call your child and he does not come immediately, you should investigate. If he is helping his little sister out of danger before he comes, you would feel terrible to have spanked the child before you asked why he delayed. Beware of the child who can always explain his way out of all discipline though. The other children in the family will be a help in your investigations. Also be aware of any animosity between siblings that might color their story. With all of this said, the Bible teaches the use of the rod for discipline. We always use the rod on the padded place when necessary. The number of swats depends on the strength of the will of the child. While a displeased look may be sufficient to change the behavior of one child, most require stiffer punishments.
When our oldest child was about three we asked him to say ”thank you” for something. He was fully capable of saying this and had done so in the past. This time he refused. His father and I took him in the bathroom for some privacy. We gave him three swats on his seat. We then asked him to say “thank you”. He still refused. We repeated this process 10 times. He received a total of 30 swats. At that point he said “thank you” and hugged and loved us. We hated that experience, but never had to repeat it. He is now 23 and a wonderful blessing to all who know him. Steven has a clear understanding of obedience to authority. He has become a leader himself, and we are extremely proud to be his parents.
Most of our children were ready to obey quicker than the previous example illustrates, though one strong willed child was angry until the 20th swat, at which time they became very grateful and loving to us. This child is a great blessing to our family now.
Discipline should be immediate for the very young child, and taken care of as soon as possible for all ages. The short memory span of the very young requires immediacy. Discipline should always be done calmly with great love, and possibly even tears. Your tears. The child should know that you hate to have to bring him pain, and that you only do so because you wish to spare him from worse repercussions in his life. Be aware! The Bible warns us that ”He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity: and the rod of his anger shall fail” (Proverbs 22:8). One of the meanings of the word ”fail” is to destroy utterly. The object of discipline is NOT to destroy utterly, therefore it is of utmost importance that you not be angry but be in a loving disposition when using your rod.
What about time out? We believe this to be a failed system in most cases because it simply causes the child to sit there (if indeed you can keep him there) and think about how unfair it is of you to require this of him because of course he is right! We are not just going for outward conformity with our children, we are going for change of heart. The Creator God says the rod works. In Proverbs 13:24 we read, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
3 Responses
Excellent content.
I am so grateful for those 30 swats, and for what they got across to me.
This was a blessing. Getting the facts is a great thing. This past week we were in Pennsylvania and we redirected my son for disobeying us. He was playing outside and was wet and muddy and we asked him to go in. His gradmother, the previous day, told him that if he was playing outside and got muddy and wet he had to stay outside. Needless to say he was not sure what to do and started to cry. We thought that he was throwing a temper because he didn’t want to go in. Many times we tell our children to obey without saying a word…..but we are also trying to teach them to obey all adults not just mommy and daddy. I would have felt really bad if we spanked him before we found out why he was not obeying right away.
My husband and I are more likely to spank our children at church for doing something that is embarrassing before they are trained not to do something. We are around so many parnets whose children are submissive and very obedient and we don’t want other people to think our children are heathens. I think we feel more pressured to make sure we do the right thing when we are around other people that have so much more experience than we do.
Hi Jan! Thank you for taking the time to read these words from my heart. As your pastor’s wife it is a joy to watch you and your family grow. You are a blessing to me. May God bless you as you live by His principles. with love, Mrs. Corbett